Dork Glue

I swear, the things that come out of people’s mouths will never cease to amaze me. I’m a proud Texas girl and us Texans can be crude, outspoken, and non-politically correct at times. It’s a part of the charm you aquire the moment you’re born on Texas soil!  However, business is not the place for it. Especially in mixed company/generations.

People in the business world at some point decided they had no regard for all kinds of things that were previously, and still are, offensive. I’ve been cussed out by sales people for not wanting their product, called sweetie and good lookin’ in  meetings about business affairs, and hit on by married co-workers twice my age. I used to think only smaller companies had thrown the decorum out with the bath water, but oh no! For once I can honestly say, size really does not matter!

In a time of fast food and gas station hot dogs, people seem to have forgotten what real health food is. People eat so much crap that when they eat something that is natural and unprocessed their bodies actually don’t know what to do. If a smoothie is all it takes to get you going, you don’t have enough fiber in your regular diet.

I was talking to a friend on the phone today when she called someone a “whack-douche-biatch” for cutting her off while she was driving. Kinda made me think about how much fun insults can be when done correctly. Even better…. someone should create a machine that generates insults for you. Imagine your own personal insult generator, coming to stores soon!

One of those things is her age. Another one of those things is anything related to the type of undergarments she is wearing. That is unless, you’re in one of the following situations:

1. You’re in a committed relationship with her.
2. It is your sole intention to piss her off.
3. You work for airport security and the metal detector wand goes off when you scan her no-no area.

Otherwise, keep those inappropriate questions to yourself. Thanks!

It’s amazing how badly you can want some things to work out when it’s obvious they won’t. Like I wonder what part of the brain that is. Maybe it’s the “this shit isn’t logical but damn it’d be awesome if things would just go the way I wanted” gland. This is why I love journals. Since 2003 I’ve kept a journal and chronicled everything I felt I might doubt or didn’t want to forget. I suggest doing the same. It makes confusing situations a lot less confusing when you can look back on how you felt about things in the past. I love it when I’m smart enough to pull my own head out of my ass!

There are many reasons I love my life as it is. One of them is that my cooking doesn’t need to impress anyone other than me. I am easily impressed.

The last date I went on was a lunch date. I knew things were going to be bad when he asked me where I wanted to eat and then started spouting out the lunch specials of every restaurant downtown and anouncounced that $8 was rather expensive. We meet at the restaurant and after some extremely awkward silence and conversation about invigorating topics, like what types of plates are the best to hold beans, our food arrives. It’s at this moment that I realize my date has a very large mouth. Much like a bass. It could double as a kiddie pool. You could swim Olympic laps in it.  His food did, and his hinged bassmouth gave me a full view of the race all the way until his food reached the finish line. He was probably a really nice person, but nice doesn’t make up for a bassmouth.

Imagine the guy in the black shirt is me, minus looking like he is into it. Imagine the guy in the blue shirt is some random guy who’s name I don’t know, minus having his tounge sticking out. That would sum up the last experience I had at a NetParty networking event. Don’t know if I’ll be trying that again.

Valentine’s week is here! Whoop whoop! It’s all about love, lust, being single, and dodging the bullets of what might have been. I heart single me, I hope she never dies.

I’ll admit this is lame before I even say it outloud, but my car is really bad for parking. I’ve had other cars and they parked fine. However, there is something about this one that wants to be crooked and all up in the spots surrounding it. No matter what I can do a decent job of parking. If I can’t get it down by 25, I may just have to get a new car to rememdy the issue.